You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
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There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
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You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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