Already got asked if we're dating
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Is Oprah even human
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
