ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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