GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
