According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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