If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
