im drinking this country out of the recession.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
