Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
