btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
