i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize