My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
