remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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