i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
