I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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