she looked like the before picture.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
