My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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