She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
