Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
