I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
