There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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