She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
