I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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