I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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