No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
