plz talk dirty to me
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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