So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
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oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
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Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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