When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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