i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
