I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
