my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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