Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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