Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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