everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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