im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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