I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
