My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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