Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
