I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Bring me that man meat
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
