Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
