so explain again why im purple
no
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
