I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just pee around me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
