Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
