I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
