it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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