I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
