I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
