Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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