im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
