I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
