i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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