before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
