well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
