Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
