He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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