a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize