my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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