i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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