youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
