I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
