i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm like, not good at living.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
