what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
