In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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