the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
