Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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