just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize