the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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