It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize