hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
