BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you had me at cake vodka
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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