So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
