so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
