OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
