They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
