If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
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