miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
