It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
