You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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