He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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