We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
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Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
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I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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