I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
She swung at the pinata with crutches
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
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