Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
