I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
