I have demons in me.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
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you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
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I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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